A touch of Christmas in the air

Do you love Christmas as much as I do?

I just can't get enough of all the twinkling lights and of how our home smells of pinewood and Christmas cookies. This time of year truly is magical.

Unfortunately, it is also the time of appointments, lots of Christmas parties and things to do and organize, especially when you are a mom.

Here is my special advice to really enjoy Christmas time.

1) Set priorities. Honestly. You can't do it all with the kids. I gave up the handmade advent calendar, for example. It's a lot of work. And money. So we buy calendars nowadays and the kids are happy and I have got one point less on my to do list.

2) It's okay to say no. Another Christmas party? And then another? If it's just too much, say no. It's okay and the world will keep on moving.

3) Skip swimming class/piano lessons/ soccer training. Whatever. I often feel like we are rushing through Christmas time and on top of all the kids' activities are celebrations, running errands and stuff. So we sometimes just skip some of the above, cuddle up with hot chocolate and read Christmas books. I am pretty sure your kid will learn to play the piano (or whatever) anyway.

4) Shop online. Okay, I know that buying local is a thing. I get it. I just don't have the time before Christmas. Most of our gifts come from Amazon. I am buying about twenty to twenty-five presents each year. And we have kind of all the family birthdays in December and January, so going to the city doesn't work for me. Shopping online saves SO MUCH time (and nerves). I always try to get it done before December, so the poor delivery guys don't have to work all that extra time before Christmas because of me.

5) Write lists. For everything. Try to keep stuff done step by step. And in advance.

6) Play Christmas music all the time and have lots of mulled wine.

Have a lovely Christmas time!

Eleven weeks

You know what I really miss? That newborn bliss right after LittleL was born. He was the cutest little thing in the world and I was so madly in love with my newborn. In fact, I was madly in love with life with a little baby and a firstgrader. The cuddly and slow mornings with LittleL and then the vivid and exciting time in the afternoon, when BigL came home and proudly showed me what he learned at school. It was one of the happiest times of my life and for the first time ever, I felt like this was exactly where I belonged.

I wish, I could back to that time just for a few minutes. To soak it all in and try to remember every little detail of how wonderful life was. I wish I could go back and smell LittleL's baby hair for another time. Or to see BigL's front toothgap and that radiant smile.

I wish I could go back and do everything to stop depression hitting me hard. I wish I could stop it smacking from behind and taking the happiness and bliss away from all of us. It hit not only me, it also affected my kids and husband. My parents, in-laws and friends. It had such a huge impact in the lives of those I love the most and if I knew it was going to come, I would have been prepared.

I guess, that's just how it works. When life throws a curveball, you do everything ti get through. Most of us will make it out alive and it doesn't mean, it won't be all fine in the end. Life is pretty good these days, but I miss the times, when PPD was not part of my history yet. I don't think about it a lot anymore, but today when driving home from work, it crossed my mind and made me teary eyed. I missed this happy newborn momma. I missed myself. And it sucks to have lost 1,5 years of my life. Big time.

But hey, I am here now. I get all the cuddles and kisses and LittleL is desperately waiting for that toothless smile. So, here's to life. The ups and downs. Make sure, you live it to the fullest.

Love, Sanna

About motherhood. And comparison.

Hey moms out there! Yes, you!

How do you feel about mothering? Do you feel full of self-confidence concerning your abilities to raise tiny humans or do you doubt from time to time?

Me, I am of the second category. Sometimes I compare my mothering abilities to other moms and feel like a big fat failure. I wonder how other moms handle tantrums, teenagers and the fight about screen time and treats.

And then I wonder, if I am doing it right. Do my kids get too much screen time? Do we learn enough for school and exams? Should I do more of this or that and do my kids know how much we love them? Do we tell and show them enough?

I really think it is good and healthy to reflect and sometimes look around for inspiration or just to talk about how others handle stuff. The problem is, it often is more than that to me. It makes me feel insecure and less valueable as a mother. Why is that?

I think, this is something that occured post PPD. I had to re-learn how to mother, every little thing was new to me although I already had a seven-year-old. So what PPD left me with was doubt into my own abilities. Big time. It's getting better, but from time to time it gets me. And then I feel sad and I wanna sob a little and after that life goes on and I try to give my best. Every day.

Please feel free to give some input. I know ther are so many moms out there reading my blog. Am I the only one with these weird feelings? Do you compare yourself as a mother or your kids with others? Or not? Help me out here.

Love, Sanna

Today, I failed.

Today, I failed as a mother. Big time. I yelled. A lot. I was unfair. Again, a lot. There were a lot of different reasons why this happened and still I feel like a big fat failure. Which I was. Today.

The day started with LittleL throwing a tantrum, because he didn't want to have breakfast (I am not hungry, mummy.), but then when breakfast was over, he wanted to have breakfast. Then, on my way to work, my brandnew jeans ripped. And showed my old pink and green underwear. Unfortunately, time was too tight to go back and change pants, so I was the teacher with ripped jeans before school even started, awesome. After lessons, I went to go to the office to get the papers done for my September salary. Nobody's in the office today, don't ask me why. I am off on Fridays and next week the whole office doesn't work because it is moving to a new computer system. So salary won't come before October, 8th. Again, awesome.

Because of all this, I had to pick up LittleL from school on my way home from work. I usually park the car at home and walk the ten minutes to school. Today, I didn't have the time, so I went to school by car. It was chaos. Lots of moms with cars, no parking space. I was late. When we came home BigL complained about lunch being delayed. And then he didn't like lunch. And then he liked it, but in the meantime LittleL and I had eaten it all.

Then we did homework. LittleL thought homework was super boring and he didn't want to do it. It took forever (he usually is done in ten minutes). Then my MIL came over as she does every Thursday. And she usually is a big help, but today I just felt like suggling up on the sofa. The kids fought over every single shit. BigL has a potty mouth and then told me that last year on Christmas all his gifts were "rubbish". I freaked out big time. (He got a MacBook for Christmas) Meanwhile, LittleL asked for screen time for the 100th time. And for a treat, again for the 100th time. BigL watched drum learning lessons on YouTube on our TV (very loud), LittleL asked me strange questions about Star Wars, which I never watched. I told him so, he kept on asking. On top of all this, we had to learn for BigL's math and English tests.

I did not have a minute for myself today, which never is  a good thing. I need some time to recharge my batteries, at least thirty minutes a day. To take a power nap, read some pages, whatever I feel like. Some minutes of SILENCE, for God's sake! It keeps me sane in all our chaos of school, work and just everyday life.

Today I missed it and it paid. Yes, the kids did not show their best behaviour. Yes, they were testing and impolite. Still, they do no deserve yelling and telling them to "Just shut up!". It is not fair and I know it. But these days happen. For all of us. It's no fun, it's far away from Instagram perfectness, but it's reality.

All I can do now is kiss my children goodnight. And try to make it better tomorrow. This I will do.

Good night, peeps!

Love, Sanna

The best mom award

Sometimes I post stuff on facebook or Instagram with the hashtag #bestmomaward . Usually after telling the world wide web some mom failure, that happened to me. Like these:

• The time I forgot LittleL was going on a field trip and brought him to kindergarten. Then I had to put him in the car again and follow the bus. It was a great moment when I stopped the bus to pick up my kid. Yeah, super mom.
• The time I forgot to sign BigL up for a track and field competition and then lied to the officials that our plans have changed last minute and can they please let my kid take place (they could not.).
• The time I found out that BigL's sports shoes were three numbers too small and he could barely walk during PE.
• The time I took LittleL's lunch to work with me. I had two lunchboxes (mine and his), he had none.
• The time I had to transport stuff home from IKEA and just put it on the back seat next to BigL. In the first bend, it moved and hurt his eye. He had a black eye for days. (Never happened again. I now ALWAYS make sure stuff is secured!!)
• The time we forgot to buy school supplies and then had to do it on the last day of summer break. (Just FYI, school starts tommorow. I am picking up books today.)

So, somtimes, I feel like a big, fat failure as a mom. There is stuff going wrong, I forget papers or books and sometimes we hurt our children without intention. I always am so sorry and try to make up for it, but these things happen. 

They do not mean, that I don't care or love my kids. They just mean that I am human. Busy with a job and handling two kids and appointments and housework. It means, that sometimes this job is overwhelming and you just cannot keep everything in your head. It means, that maybe you forgot to pick up books, because you were busy crafting or playing with your kids. Maybe you had a bad day at work or a headache or PMS. Whatever might have lead to a mom failure, it does not say anything about how much you love your kids or how good a mom you are.

You (and me!) are doing a great job. Your kids are fed, wear warm clothes, get haircuts and get cuddles and love. You are doing everything right. Failures happen. And believe me, EVERY mom makes mistakes, forgets stuff and is NOT PERFECT. Even if some look like they do.

Have a great day! And yeah to all moms!

Love, Sanna

Found at weheartit.com

The last few days...

Summer break is over soon. BigL is going back to school on Wednesday, first grade will start on Thursday for LittleL.

We do celebrate first day of first grade over here, so I got decoration and cakes on my mind. Plus, LittleL developed some anxiety over his first days at schoo and we really try to help him with that. I do understand though. Wouldn't we all be nervous before a major change??

There are no real plans for the last two days of summer break. Apart from Wednesday evening, when the firstgraders and families will meet at church to get blessings for the coming school year. I am really looking forward to it and I can need any blessings out there.

It will not only be a change for the LittleL, but for me, too. Until summer break, LittleL was a daycare/kindergarten until 4pm. Now, I will have to pick him up at 1.30pm. This usually was the time I had with BigL for lunch, homework, learning and just spend some time together. Or me having a nap. From Thursday on, it will be the three of us. Homework with two kids. Learning with two kids. Not sure about how there will be room for naps. Oh my.

I am looking forward to this new chapter. At the same time, I am wondering how it all will work out.
The school (both schools, actually) are just down the road (with one busy street to cross) and I want LittleL to get confident and safe in traffic, so he can walk to school on his own sometime at the end of the year. It will save time, because I don't have to drive to daycare anymore. It means ten more minutes of sleep. Heaven! (Or a silent cuppa in the wee hours of morning!)

To everybody out there heading a new school year, be blessed. Have fun along the way. Be patient and successful. Work hard and be ambitious. It will be a great year!

All my love, Sanna

About mothers

About twelve years ago, I became a mother and it changed me forever. I had no idea about how deep love can be and how unconditional it is. I was not prepared for the worries and the anxiety to do it right and I was by no means prepared for the hen fight between mothers.

Honestly, ladies? Why do we have to compete who is doing it right (what does that mean anyway??)? Why do we have to tell each other how to handle this or that situation and why isn't every way of mothering just as good as it is?

I am not talking abuse here, just to get that right. I am talking about different ways of mothering/parenting and how they all have the right to just be. At work, I meet mothers from all over the world and we do not only talk grammar, we also discuss different cultures and also talk about private things. I see big differences in raising children.

In some cultures, children are brought up by a whole community. Mothers, grandmothers, neighbours, aunts and cousins. In others, they are taught certain standards from the very beginning, such as religion (No, not only muslim. I do have a mormon mum in my class as well. And a Hindu.). In some cultures children are being taken care of at daycares from a very young age, in other cultures they do not even get a basic education. Some kids are taught to hunt and fight, just because it is what is necessary for daily life. Others are tought to swim at the age of three, because they help fishing from an early age. Others can't swim at all. I am super proud that Little L can ride a bike, which is considered standard achievement over here. Some kids will never own a bike their whole life.

But one thing, all kids have in common. They are loved to pieces by their moms. All we want is for our children to be happy and - most importantly - save. That's why some mothers I know packed up all their life in a bag and travelled months (sometimes years) to bring their kids to a peaceful place. That's why I pick up BigL from town when it's dark early around this time of year. That's why we put our loved little ones in life vests when we go to the pool in summer and why we use sunscreen.

Because we LOVE our children. It's what we all have in common and as long as our children are safe and happy, we are doing everything right. YOU are doing it right. Good job, momma!

Love and hugs, Sanna