Freitag, 11. Oktober 2019

For a reason - World Mental Health Day

I am a big believer in things happening for a reason. So, I don't think it was a coincidence that my all-time favourite singer Milow scheduled the closest concert on World Mental Health Day.

Milow and me go back a long time. DH and me went to one of his first concerts ever in Germany and I fell in love. A year later, I got sick with PPD.  So sick that I thought of suicide and infanticide. Nowadays I know, that these were just a symptom of my sickness, back then I felt as desperate as never before.

Just imagine how I spent my days and nights at the psychiatric ICU, curled up in bed. Crying, wanting to die. Days were long, the nights even longer. I still remember the pain, the agony and desperation as if it was yesterday. And then, one day I picked up my iPod and listened to some music. I heard it, but it didn't reach my soul and heart. Until Milow came along.

In all my darkness and despair, I felt the stone around my heart to chip a bit. A tiny little bit. It was so small, I nearly missed it, but it was there. Depression hits especially hard in the mornings, so when I woke up, I started Milow's music. It helped me get out of bed. It helped me under the shower and start therapy. It saved my life.

Fast forward to October 10th 2019.

So last DH and me went to see Milow perform. As we did before. So often before. And as always, it was wonderful, touched my soul and made me super happy. And then in the middle of a song, tears started streaming down my face.

"Lean into me, with your back and your mind
Lean into me, when you're broken inside
Ooh, lay your worry down
Lay your worry down
Lay your worry down on me
Ooh, lay your worry down
Lay your worry down
Lay your worry down on me"
Yeah, so I did. and it saved my life. It made me whole again. And although Milow will never know, I am more than thankful for his music and lyrics. And I don't care a bit if people thought I was crazy bawling my eyes out in public. Did they stare? Maybe. Did I mind? Not a fucking bit.

I've come a long way and I am so proud of it. It was World Mental Health Day yesterday, so I will keep on telling my story. I will keep on raising awareness and break the stigma. I am enough.

And so are you. Have a fabulous weekend. Love, Sanna