Five years ago, I was so so sick. I had a huge mental health problem, which made me feel...nothing. Yes, you got that right. I didn't feel. I was alive, but so very dead inside. I remembered my love for my husband and kids and I remembered how I used to be a person, who used to feel very deep, but it was all gone.
All, but a tiny little spark was still there. It was so small, you would've needed a microspoce to spy it, but something tiny little lovely was still inside me. And only one thing was able to make me feel. To give my hunted soul a bit of peace and to make me feel like a human for a millisecond.
It was the music of Belgium singer Milow. I have no idea why it was him and his music, that got into my desperate soul, but it did.
At 7.30am the nurse would come in for the wake up call and I got up to face another day of hurt and pain. And then I got my iPod running and as soon as Milow's voice filled the room, I felt a little less bad. It didn't make me feel great, but it helped to not give up. To head into the shower and start another day of therapy and meetings with the shrink.
Days went by, then weeks and months. Every single day, it was music that kept me sane. These spare moments of actually feeling something through melodies and lyrics kept me going. They made me realize that I am not 100% dead inside.
I started with one song. This one. The lyrics spoke to me (can you guess?) and then, after some weeks, I managed to listen to another song. And then one more. It was magic.
2,5 years ago, I finally felt good enough to go to an actual concert. Like being in a crowd with some thousand people. No anxiety, no pain. Just me and Milow (and DH) and his fabulous music. It was VERY hot that day, but that didn't keep me from dancing and singing and just feeling like my old self. And at some point, I might have shed a tear or two. Because life was just good and I was healthy and seeing that wonderful singer perform those songs were just too much.
DH later told me, that he enjoyed that night so much and he couldn't stop watching me sing and dance along. How my eyes sparkled and how happy I was.
It was the night of my life.
Thank you, Milow. From the bottom of my heart.