Half a year

It's been half a year since my last post. And what a crazy time that was. It was/is the time of Covid-19 and George Floyd. It's the time of home schooling and wearing masks. It's a scary time, but so full of opportunities.

And while life as we knew it came to a hold, nature just went on being amazing and blooming. Dolphins returned to harbours, deer came back to the cities and the air we breathe was as healthy as it hasn't been in centuries. It's pretty awesome how nature took back space and to see how small mankind is in comparison.

While all this happened, spring came and went and now summer is in full swing. We ended the school year and headed into summer break, although there are hardly planes jetting around the world to bring people to destinations, where they would go on and destroy this wonderful planet.

Covid-19 is shit, but at the same time it made clear, who the boss is around here. And it's not us.

That being said, we will enjoy summer break as much as possible.With BBQs and fresh strawberries. With the smell of sunscreen and a dip into the pool. With watching butterflies and enjoying sunshine.

Have a great summer!

Love, Sanna

Slow afternoon

All of a sudden, we do have a slow afternoon ahead and I love it so much. Nowhere to go, nothing to do (apart from the obligatory laundry).

These moments are rare with both parents working full-time and two kids with various hobbies, so I will soak in this day of time to spend however we want and the warm winter sunshine.

It makes me so unbelievably happy.

Have a great Monday!

I got no travel gene

I hate travelling. As in sitting around in airports waiting for flights. Or spending long hours on the train where someone is peeling their stinking hardboiled eggs. Or sitting in the car for hours. In heavy traffic in hot summer weather.

I hate travelling.

To make it worse, I get homesick easily. I just love being at home. Not at home literally, but in my part of the woods. I feel like I live in the most wonderful spot on earth and I hate leaving it for more than ten days. I once lived in Turkey for half a year when I was twenty. No idea how I survived that.

I just went to London with BigL for four days. It was great having exclusive time with my boy and show him around this extraordinary city. But I missed home. I missed the rest of my little family and my own bed.

So, you could say, that I don't own that travel gene. Before I'd travel Indonesia with a backpack, I'd rather have my tongue removed. Maybe I'll never see the whole world or anything outside Europe in my life, but I am okay with that. That's just how I roll.

So, with all that said, I am really looking forward to our summer getaway to the Dutch coast. Because the Netherlands are basically home. We have planned a two-week-trip, but as always I will ask DH to go home after ten days, because....well, you know why.

Until then, I am happy that everybody is back to school/work tomorrow and our schedule is back.

Have a great week! Love, Sanna

A touch of Christmas in the air

Do you love Christmas as much as I do?

I just can't get enough of all the twinkling lights and of how our home smells of pinewood and Christmas cookies. This time of year truly is magical.

Unfortunately, it is also the time of appointments, lots of Christmas parties and things to do and organize, especially when you are a mom.

Here is my special advice to really enjoy Christmas time.

1) Set priorities. Honestly. You can't do it all with the kids. I gave up the handmade advent calendar, for example. It's a lot of work. And money. So we buy calendars nowadays and the kids are happy and I have got one point less on my to do list.

2) It's okay to say no. Another Christmas party? And then another? If it's just too much, say no. It's okay and the world will keep on moving.

3) Skip swimming class/piano lessons/ soccer training. Whatever. I often feel like we are rushing through Christmas time and on top of all the kids' activities are celebrations, running errands and stuff. So we sometimes just skip some of the above, cuddle up with hot chocolate and read Christmas books. I am pretty sure your kid will learn to play the piano (or whatever) anyway.

4) Shop online. Okay, I know that buying local is a thing. I get it. I just don't have the time before Christmas. Most of our gifts come from Amazon. I am buying about twenty to twenty-five presents each year. And we have kind of all the family birthdays in December and January, so going to the city doesn't work for me. Shopping online saves SO MUCH time (and nerves). I always try to get it done before December, so the poor delivery guys don't have to work all that extra time before Christmas because of me.

5) Write lists. For everything. Try to keep stuff done step by step. And in advance.

6) Play Christmas music all the time and have lots of mulled wine.

Have a lovely Christmas time!

Just life.

Sometimes, I sit down to blog and I have no idea, what to write about. Because it's just life going on and I have no idea if anybody is interested to hear that I got the first Christmas decorations out.

Anyway, I keep on blogging, cause that's what I did for the last 13 (!!) years and I am still so sad, that all my entries were deleted, when I was at the hospital and didn't pay for my domain. And I have no idea, if I can ever get back my words and emotions put into every single post.

Looking back at my (few) posts during this year, I feel like it turned out to be very different than what I thought about on New Year's Eve. I had lots of plans and NONE of that turned into real life achievements.

I also went on new paths, that I didn't see coming my way and I am so happy to go them.

So, yeah. That's just life. Things happen for a reason and I made peace with these last 10,5 months of 2019.  Whatever happens, life goes on and sometimes the biggest obstacles can result into something great once you have left them behind. That's just how I feel about this year.

It's not over yet and there is still time to make some of the things happen, that I thought about back in December. It's never too late to get started and I have huge plans for the upcoming months.

So stay tuned and have a great weekend!

Love, Sanna

For a reason - World Mental Health Day

I am a big believer in things happening for a reason. So, I don't think it was a coincidence that my all-time favourite singer Milow scheduled the closest concert on World Mental Health Day.

Milow and me go back a long time. DH and me went to one of his first concerts ever in Germany and I fell in love. A year later, I got sick with PPD.  So sick that I thought of suicide and infanticide. Nowadays I know, that these were just a symptom of my sickness, back then I felt as desperate as never before.

Just imagine how I spent my days and nights at the psychiatric ICU, curled up in bed. Crying, wanting to die. Days were long, the nights even longer. I still remember the pain, the agony and desperation as if it was yesterday. And then, one day I picked up my iPod and listened to some music. I heard it, but it didn't reach my soul and heart. Until Milow came along.

In all my darkness and despair, I felt the stone around my heart to chip a bit. A tiny little bit. It was so small, I nearly missed it, but it was there. Depression hits especially hard in the mornings, so when I woke up, I started Milow's music. It helped me get out of bed. It helped me under the shower and start therapy. It saved my life.


Fast forward to October 10th 2019.

So last DH and me went to see Milow perform. As we did before. So often before. And as always, it was wonderful, touched my soul and made me super happy. And then in the middle of a song, tears started streaming down my face.

"Lean into me, with your back and your mind
Lean into me, when you're broken inside

Ooh, lay your worry down
Lay your worry down
Lay your worry down on me
Ooh, lay your worry down
Lay your worry down
Lay your worry down on me"

 

Yeah, so I did. and it saved my life. It made me whole again. And although Milow will never know, I am more than thankful for his music and lyrics. And I don't care a bit if people thought I was crazy bawling my eyes out in public. Did they stare? Maybe. Did I mind? Not a fucking bit.

I've come a long way and I am so proud of it. It was World Mental Health Day yesterday, so I will keep on telling my story. I will keep on raising awareness and break the stigma. I am enough.

And so are you. Have a fabulous weekend. Love, Sanna

Overwhelmed

Slowly, I realize what a career change really means. I am teaching and studying full time and within the next weeks are exams and other stuff ahead. At the same time, work at school was crazy this last week.

I have to admit, that I feel a bit overwhelmed. I feel like I am always behind with my schedule and tired all the time. I get up super early and don't get basic stuff done like vacuuming or cooking a proper dinner. Laundry is piling up, too.

I am afraid, I have to stop doing stuff 100% perfect. I have to ask for help and get my family more involved. I have to stop volunteering for stuff at work, and instead concentrate on exams. I really have to stomp on the break and make sure to breathe.

So, this coming week I wanna focus on myself. Get the important stuff done and leave the other things behind. I also have to treat my body much, much better. I can feel how the weight I packed has an influence on my body and soul, and it's not a good one.

So, here we go. Heading into the week with good thoughts and a positive mind.

Enjoy your Sunday night and have a great week!

Love, Sanna