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Dienstag, 25. Juli 2017

Down came the rain

Week 2 of summer break. It's raining cats and dogs. BigL is at summer camp nevertheless. Every morning I ask him, if he wants to go and every morning, he says, "Of course!". So we bought hiking shoes to withstand the mudder and he is happy.


Little L and me are running errands, went to the mall (I bribed him with a BIG cookie) and hang around home. We watch movies and nap and do puzzles and play and love being with each other. It's pretty awesome. Today he helped me with housework, which took like forever. But we have all the time in the world and I love his company.

So, that's pretty much all we do these days. End of story.

Love, Sanna

Mittwoch, 12. Juli 2017

Summer Bucket List

Only one more day, and I am heading into summer break (poor kids have one more day to go). As every summer, there is stuff I wanna do and there are things and places I wanna see. Here is my summer bucket list:

  • Go to the fish spa. I wanted this for years and I will so do it this summer.
  • Visit the coast and dip my toes into the North Sea. Not sure if I will take a full dive, depends on how warm it is.
  • Visit Hamburg's new Elbphilharmonie.
  • Play lots of Uno and other stuff with LittleL during his two weeks off from daycare (plus our summer getaway).
  • Meet with friends, have coffee and cake and good conversations.
  • Laugh more, dance often and go to a concert (Gentleman, honey?)
  • Try to use my smartphone less.
  • Visit the family party at summer camp.
  • Paint my toenails all kind of colours.
  • Wear flipflops only.
  • And shorts and dresses.
  • Oh, and my size twelve bikini. Woohoo!
  • Go horse back riding with the kids.
  • Shop for school supplies (note to myself: NOT on the last day!!)
  • Have an outdoor movie night.
  • Have lots of BBQs.
  • Finish season 10-12 of Grey's Anatomy.
  • Take naps on my sunbed.
  • Get together with family and friends and celebrate DH's 40th and LittleL's 5th birthday.
  • Read ten books.
  • Enjoy life.
Have a great summer, everybody! What are your plans? Any suggestions of what I REALLY have to do?

Love and hugs, Sanna


Freitag, 7. Juli 2017

Years Off My Life

I ain't a fan of going slow around corners,
Stomp on the gas and grab another gear
Yeah I'll take years off my life
Before I'll take life off my years.

So, I was listening to one of my favorite music ever (Lee Brice - Hard 2 Love) in the car, when this song came up. And it made me think. About what changed since I got sick and how much more I love life right now that I am okay again. 

A lot has changed. It's not like I got adventurous all of a sudden. Nope, not going to happen. But I really am more happy in life. Just because I try to do what is good for me. To celebrate the little things and to have the courage to go for what I really want.

To me, living life to the fullest does not involve jumping out of planes or doing zip line rides. It's more like spending quality time with my beloved ones. It's warm summer sunshine on a day at the lake. It's a good book and a nice coffee. It's cooking and baking and napping. Might sound boring, yes. But to me it is heaven. 


I have never been more satisfied with me and my life. Because I know how bad life can be and I try not to let go of chances. That's why I picked up all my courage last night and dug out my ballett slippers. These have been in the closet for twelve years, but after watching a friend doing ballett classes, I felt such an urge to get back on the dance floor, it kind of hurt. I packed some weight since my last dancing class and it was before babies and PPD and meds, so I freaked out a little bit. I actually was thinking about cancelling the whole thing and sit on my couch and wait for more weight to drop. But then DH kind of ordered me to go, damn it. And I did. And it was the most wonderful thing in the world. Of course, it felt different and I realized I am not as flexible any more (but that will hopefully come back!), but my body remembered every single move. It was right there and I only had to start again to make it come out. I had no idea how much I missed dancing until I actually hit the dance floor.

So, living life to the fullest means taking risks. And having courage. And all of the above. Have a great weekend, everybody!

Love, Sanna

What's the use of life if you don't live it?
You sip your water, I'll drink my beer
Yeah, I'll take years off my life
Before I take life off of my years

Dienstag, 4. Juli 2017

My journey to size ten

As long as I can remember, I used to be chubby. It kind of runs in my parrt of the family, so here I am. After having two kids and being on three different meds to treat my PPD, I gained a LOT OF weight. Actually, I have never had more weight in my life before.

One day in February, I decided to give it a try and downloaded the Weight Watchers App. I tried not to go in with too many expectations, but with my mind set on a goal. And so it began.

Since then I have lost a total number of 33lbs (15kg). And to be honest, it's pretty easy. I am never hungry, I can eat everything as long as I stay within my SmartPoints and it so works for me. For many others, this is not the right way, but for me it absolutely is.


Plus, it is amazing of how good I feel since I lost weight. My knees do not hurt anymore. I can easily go to the basement for laundry and up again (We live on the first floor!!). I can practice riding his bike with Little L and jog next to him. I can buy regular sized clothing, which is the best part of all! ;o)

I plan to lose more weight and have a helthy BMI around Christmas. If it spring, that's fine with me, too. Moving forward is good, no matter how long it will take. With every day I am closer to a healthy body and that is just awesome. Plus, I am looking into different opportunities to work out at the moment, but I will post about that later.

Have a great day! (And eat some cake!)

Love, Sanna

Sonntag, 2. Juli 2017

Weekend update

Hey friends!

How is the weather in your part of the woods? Germany is freezing. I froze my butt of at track and field today. I wore a jumper and real shoes. Fun times.

But, to be honest, the forecast to the upcoming week looks better, so I will stop ranting now. I am so looking forward to our summer getaway to the sea, so I am hoping the weather will be fine then. Only eight more working days! Woohoo!

Stuff we did this weekend:
  • Grocery shopping.
  • Shopping new sports clothes.
  • A quick trip with the kids to the city to check out the new Tiger Store.
  • Track and field.
  • Nap.
  • Go to the town's festival.
Now, I will clean the bathroom, vacuum and do laundry. We really know how to party.  After that, I will go to the cake decoration shop and spend a fortune. End of story. Here is my favorite summer song.


Mittwoch, 28. Juni 2017

Only eight more days!

Do you know that feeling when summer break is so close, but every work day seems like an eternity? Yeah, I am right there.

Only eight more working days in class for me (plus one day of testing) and I cannot wait to go into summer break full force. We have plans to go to the sea and add some days in Hamburg, but I will also enjoy four weeks at home. The first two weeks of the holidays, Big L is at summer camp and I will be home with Little L, who also has some time off of daycare.

Here is what Little L likes to do:
  • Drink milk
  • Go outside
  • Go on holiday
  • Go to a museum (with animals or dinosaurs)
  • Paint
  • Go to the forest
  • Go for a walk
  • Egg hunt 
I think, I will manage that. I'l keep you updated. ;o) 

Donnerstag, 22. Juni 2017

Summer Reading: Little Beach Street Bakery

I love reading. I love the seasons. I love seasonal reading. I read Christmas books in winter, lovely short stories in fall and books taking place on the beach in...well, in summer.

I would love to introduce you to my favorite summer reads, just in time for summer break and your vacation on the beach.

I am starting with chick lit by Jenny Colgan. In fact, it's a trilogy, but just the first two books are set in summer. Little Beach Street Bakery and Summer at Little Beach Street Bakery.

This is what it's all about: Heroine Polly Waterford just lost her boyfriend and her job. As she is looking for a fresh start, she moves to the sea side resort of Polbearne in a little flat above and abandoned shop. To get her thoughts straight, she does what she loves most: baking. With every loaf she bakes and with every rich ingredient she adds, she finds more of herself and a new life (and love) where she never expected it.


Oh, how I loved these books! I read them - have a guess - last summer on the beach. And if it wasn't for me to actually be on the beach, I would have smelled the salty air of Polbearne and heard the waves break. The writing is really good, the story extraordinairy. Chick lit, but without the idiotic heroine. No Bridget Jones moments. Great characters, unexpected twists.

In case you are looking for a good summer read, go for it.

Also, the third book in the series is called Christmas at Little Beach Street Bakery. Just perfect for my anglophile, Christmas loving self. But I will talk about this in half a year.

Happy Reading! Love, Sanna

Montag, 19. Juni 2017

Important to me

Today in class, we talked about wishes and dreams and what's important to us. That made me remember one of my very favorite songs by Joey & Rory. And it made me think about what really is important to me. Here are my top three.

Health. Yes, that sounds simple and we easily forget, but being healthy is the most important thing in life. It comes before family and friends and everything else. Without health, nothing is important. Without a healthy body, you cannot dance at festivals. In case your upper limbs are involved, you cannot hug someone special or tie your own shoes. Without mental health you cannot love and laugh and feel. So yes, health is the most important thing to me. And I am still learning to do so, but it is my top priority. Being good to myself. Body and soul. That's where it all starts.

Family. Where would I be without my family? Like all the many people that are special in my life. Starting with mom and dad. My husband and kids. My in-laws, my brother and his family, my cousin and aunts and uncles. And great-granny! There is a place in my heart for all of them. And I know from experience that they would do a hell of a lot for me, too. My world moves around my family and I know how lucky I am to have all my beloved ones still around.

Being me. Sometimes, getting older sucks. But sometimes, it is also a very good thing. The older I get, the more I fell like really being me. Doing what I really love. Being happy with myself. All of me. My heart and my body. I might not be perfect, I might wear size 14, but I am good the way I am. I am enough. And so are you. My journey from PPD back to life brought me closer to who I really am. And I am so grateful for it.

What is important to you? I'd love to know. Love and hugs, Sanna

Dienstag, 13. Juni 2017

Four weeks

The countdown has started. It's a short week for me because of a holiday on Thursday (I am free on Fridays), so there are only four weeks left until summer break! I am so looking forward to getting some time off work and spending it with my kids and family.

For the first time in ten years or so, we are NOT going to the Netherlands (because our holiday home was occupied), but we are staying within Germany and will spend some time at the North Sea coast. In fact, it's the very same sea we are going to every year, just more up North. We are real adventurers.

Apart from that, I plan on being lazy, do everything without a hurry and I am looking forward to visit Big L at summer camp.


I also wanna read lots of books and I herewith as for recommendations. I love seasonal reading, so I am looking for romance that's set preferably on the beach. I already have downloaded the latest books of Kate Angell's Barefoot Williams / Boys of Summer books. I L.O.V.E. these! Have you read them?

I might also re-read SEP's Honey Moon. I haven't read it for ages and I feel like doing it. But summer break is six weeks and I need more books! Spill!

What are your plans for summer? Any specific? Adventurous? I'd love to know.

Until then, finish the school year strong. Stay focused, but don't forget to dream about the beach.

Love, Sanna

Dienstag, 6. Juni 2017

Solo parenting

For five days, DH was away in Berlin to work his ass off. Which meant, I was solo parenting and at first it was a bit overwhelming to think about it. Because since I got sick, I was NEVER responsible for both my kids on my own for mor than 48 hours. I was worried, if I'd manage. Also, I was pissed, because it was a public holiday and long weekend. I like to spend those days as a family, but sometimes you don't get what you want.

So on Friday morning, DH went to Berlin and left me in charge.

Friday was good, because I went to work, the kids to school and daycare and it was just a normal day of the week.
Then the long weekend started and we spent it with lots of activities and fun. We went out for dinner, went shopping at the mall, went to the zoo and stayed up a bit longer than usual.

I loved our early nights, when Little L was in bed and Big L and me watched movie after movie and had way too much sweets. I hardly see my big boy, because he is running wild and free this summer, but every night he was there for a movie he got to chose. We watched teenage movies and romances and sometimes stuff with action. Afterwards, we would go to bed (he slept with me) and chat about the movies and our day. We would fall asleep happy and in the middle of the night Little L would come over and snuggle in with us.

It was an intensive time for the kids and me and I enjoyed it so much. Of course, it was a holiday and we had nowhere to be, so it was relaxed and easy.

Solo parenting is easy when you know that your better half is coming back in five days. I can only imagine how exhausting it must be, when you are a fulltime single mom or dad. In case you are such a parent, you got my biggest respect. You are wonderful and enough and doing a great job!

Freitag, 12. Mai 2017

Long time no see

Yes, I am still alive. I just needed a break. From blogging and the pressure that comes with it. I often feel like I really have to blog. It has been days, weeks, so I need to write an update. Bullshit. I decided to take a break and let go a bit.

Social media is pretty inspiring to me, but it also contains a lot of room for comparison and sometimes makes me feel less than what I actually am. Again, bullshit!

So, here I am again. With the resolution to focus more on who I am and what I really want. It's kind of a new start. I wanna go back to what my blog used to be years and years ago. Full of colour, fun and life. I wanna share my favorite reads and recipes and stuff about my everyday life.

I would love to see you on that journey with me and to start, I'll let you know what happened around my life in the last two months.



The week before Easter our great-granny fell an broke her hipbone. Yeah, fun times. They were able to fix it without replacing the whole hip and started therapy pretty quickly after the surgery. So me and the kids spent a lot of time in the hospital, which the kids loved as they were treated with ice cream, Fanta and cake in the cafeteria. Granny is 93 years old, but was a real champ with learning how to walk again. She came back home on Wednesday.



For Easter, my big L got some concert tickets he really wanted to have, so the two of us went to see his favorite band and spent a lovely evening together. I enjoy spending some quality time with him, because we hardly see him. Between school and track and field training, he is running wild and free around the neigbourhood. A real boy.


At the end of February, I started Weight Watchers to get rid of all the weight that anti-depressants helped me gain (that and a LOT OF eating!). From day one, it worked like a charm and as of today, I have lost a total amount of 22lbs. Which is freaking awesome. Yeah, me!


Now that spring is here, we spend as much time as possible in our back yard. The flowers are in bloom, the sandbox is filled and I had my first bubbly on my beoved garden swing. Life is good.

See you soon! Love, Sanna

Samstag, 18. März 2017

Reading again

It's been over four years that Amazon did deliver a books to my doorstep. Before I got sick with PPD, I was obsessed with books. I read romance in every free minute. Any kind of romance. Paranormal, suspense, historical. As long as there was kissing involved, it was my kind of book. Same goes for Chick Lit, which my anglophile self just loved.

Then I got sick and with it came agitation and the loss of concentration. Plus, I felt like this happily-ever-after-girl was not me anymore. My life was full of pain and surviving day by day, so romance didn't seem to fit.

Over the last four years, I did a bit of reading. Mostly within the last year. I read a bit during summer break and afterwards. I tried to read a Christmas novel, but it didn't work for me.

For all this time a book was on my nightstand waiting for me to be ready. It was Maya Banks' Shades Of Gray, book 7 of the KGI series. A series, which I loved so much. Still, I coudn't make myself read it.

About two weeks ago, I finally picked up the book. And started reading. And then it all started. I felt the magic of different worlds swept over me. I read and read (and while reading realized, I've read this book before) and just couldn't put my book down. I spent my afternoons curled up on the couch, sipped coffee and fell in love with P.J. and Cole's story. When I was done, I picked up the next book of the series and read it within days. Then I browsed Amazon for more titles and put an order.

And just like that, I am back to reading. Not just some pages, but like I did before. Reading way too long at night, because I just can't stop. Living within the story and being in tears and laughter. Feeling with the characters every step of the way and being totally satisfied when they say their I love yous in the end.

It is a gift to be able to really live within the story. To be sad and happy and excited as you read. It is a gift that was hidden under depression, but fought it's way back up to life. Just like everything else, it came back to me. It took time and patience, but it came back. And I am so grateful for that.

Now excuse me, I have a date with my couch and a romance. Happy reading, everybody!

Sonntag, 12. Februar 2017

Today

Today was fabulous. I came home late last night from a party and woke up around nine a.m. which is pretty early for me on a weekend. No idea why, but I felt so full of energy and wanted to egt stuff done, so after snuggling with DH and Little L, I got up and jumped into the shower. We had breakfast and then DH and me cleaned the place and I tackled piles of laundry.

We met with our neighbour and her daughter (Little L's best friend) and went for a walk, which included ice cream some quality time on the playground. The sun was shining, but we didn't stay too long, because the wind was pretty chilly. I am so looking forward to this week, because temperatures are supposed to be around 13°C with lots of sunshine.

When we came home the kids went to see friends in the neigbourhood and DH and me cleaned out our living room drawer. Fun times. After that, we parked our butts on the couch.

It was a great weekend. Fun and relaxing. The right amount of busy and enough time to recharge the batteries. I am heading into this new week with excitement. My class is having their first exams on Monday and Tuesday. Keep your fingers crossed.

Have a great week! Love, Sanna

Mittwoch, 1. Februar 2017

I love my life

On Saturday, I turned 39. For the first time ever in my life I was freaking out about my age. Big time.

39 is so close to 40 and people, who are forty are pretty old for me. Too old, if you ask me. 40-year-old moms are embarassing and so not cool. They look old, they act old. Period.

Now, in under a year, I will join that club. How can that possibly be real? I just turned twenty, right? At least I feel as if I am still super young at heart. But then, I am raising a pre-teen. I developed wrinkles around my eyes and I have serious problems crouching down like HRH Kate does. (And she's doing this in heels with a baby on her hip. Amazing.)


But fact is, I am still alive. I was so close to giving up life, that every day is a gift and I intend to live it fully. So many young women die of cancer or other fucking shit, so I am grateful for the chance to see my 40th birthday. I am grateful for being able to support my children while growing up and to see them become wondeerful young people. I am grateful for spending day after day with my husband, who is the best partner, I could possibly have.

Getting older is not just a pain in the a$$. It also is a chance. To experience and see great things. It's a chance to become the erson I want to be, more and more with each day.

Never before I have I been so happy with my life. Or let me wuote Robbie Williams...

I love my life
I am powerful
I am beautiful
I am free
I love my life
I am wonderful
I am magical
I am me
I love my life

Yes, I do. I love my life. And everything that comes with it. Have a great day everybody!

Mittwoch, 18. Januar 2017

Deal with me

So, here we are back to business. Every day life is back and I like it a lot. It brings some regularity into our life and that's a good thing. Although this week started kind of irregular, with Little L staying at home because of a fever and Big L jumping out of bed on Monday morning and hurting his ankle. So instead of work, I went to the doctor with him at 7.45am. It was still dark outside. Oh my.

My pupils were understanding about a day off, so that was not a problem. I really have a nice class and it makes me sick to my stomach to hear all this negativity and right wind paroles about refugees and immigrants. I deal with these people every day and 99% of them are friendly, hard working humans, who just want to live in peace with their families in our country. Most of them plan to go back when the time comes and they are so sad that they had to leave their countries. They are homesick and suffer from PTSD.

And honestly, I will not stop talking against right wing comments. I will open my mouth and speak up and let those idiots know what I think of them. The most hypocrit sentence is "I don't have anything against migration, BUT..." That little word BUT means that, yes indeed you have something against immigrants. So, please tell me, how many immigrants/refugees do you know? To how many did you talk?

I have seen hundreds in the last 14 years. And all I see on a daily basis are HUMANS. With a history, with anxiety and depression, because they have lived in danger of their lives for too long.

Okay, I am no idiot. Of course a open border politics invites idiots as well. But do you really think that a terrorist will be stopped from doing harm by a border? What about 9/11 or the London bombings? This happened before the refugees came to Europe and they found a way. They will always find a way.

So, yes, you have a right a free thinking and free speech. Do so. But be prepared to deal with me. I will talk against any kind of right propaganda. I will never accept a politics and thinking that is based on ethnic selection. Not in this life.

Now go and have a great day. Love, Sanna

Sonntag, 8. Januar 2017

One week into 2017 and Christmas break ends tomorrow. It was such a good time with family and friends and good food and celebrations.

Christmas is over, New Year's Eve is over and all we are left with is January. Cold, icy and grey. I am not a fan. I miss the sparkling lights of Christmas and the feeling of something special in the air. I miss dressing up for special occasions and wearing full make-up with glitter and all.

But I am really looking forward to getting some schedule back. Being lazy and all is fine, but I need some structure in my life. Not only me, the kids as well. So I am really looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. I am not happy about the getting up at the crack of dawn part, but what the heck. It's part of the deal. I just hope my pupils didn't reset their brains over the holidays, that would kind of freak me out.

Anyway, we will try to make January special with lots of hot chocolate and crafts and good movies. Little L's swimming class starts again tomorrow, so does BigL's track and field practice. We will be back to our busy schedule in no time and I am looking forward to it.

Here is my favorite Sunday song. Have a great week! Love, Sanna