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Dienstag, 28. August 2018

The best mom award

Sometimes I post stuff on facebook or Instagram with the hashtag #bestmomaward . Usually after telling the world wide web some mom failure, that happened to me. Like these:

  • The time I forgot LittleL was going on a field trip and brought him to kindergarten. Then I had to put him in the car again and follow the bus. It was a great moment when I stopped the bus to pick up my kid. Yeah, super mom.
  • The time I forgot to sign BigL up for a track and field competition and then lied to the officials that our plans have changed last minute and can they please let my kid take place (they could not.).
  • The time I found out that BigL's sports shoes were three numbers too small and he could barely walk during PE.
  • The time I took LittleL's lunch to work with me. I had two lunchboxes (mine and his), he had none.
  • The time I had to transport stuff home from IKEA and just put it on the back seat next to BigL. In the first bend, it moved and hurt his eye. He had a black eye for days. (Never happened again. I now ALWAYS make sure stuff is secured!!)
  • The time we forgot to buy school supplies and then had to do it on the last day of summer break. (Just FYI, school starts tommorow. I am picking up books today.)
So, somtimes, I feel like a big, fat failure as a mom. There is stuff going wrong, I forget papers or books and sometimes we hurt our children without intention. I always am so sorry and try to make up for it, but these things happen. 

They do not mean, that I don't care or love my kids. They just mean that I am human. Busy with a job and handling two kids and appointments and housework. It means, that sometimes this job is overwhelming and you just cannot keep everything in your head. It means, that maybe you forgot to pick up books, because you were busy crafting or playing with your kids. Maybe you had a bad day at work or a headache or PMS. Whatever might have lead to a mom failure, it does not say anything about how much you love your kids or how good a mom you are.

You (and me!) are doing a great job. Your kids are fed, wear warm clothes, get haircuts and get cuddles and love. You are doing everything right. Failures happen. And believe me, EVERY mom makes mistakes, forgets stuff and is NOT PERFECT. Even if some look like they do.

Have a great day! And yeah to all moms!

Love, Sanna

Found at weheartit.com

Sonntag, 26. August 2018

The last few days...

Summer break is over soon. BigL is going back to school on Wednesday, first grade will start on Thursday for LittleL.

We do celebrate first day of first grade over here, so I got decoration and cakes on my mind. Plus, LittleL developed some anxiety over his first days at schoo and we really try to help him with that. I do understand though. Wouldn't we all be nervous before a major change??


There are no real plans for the last two days of summer break. Apart from Wednesday evening, when the firstgraders and families will meet at church to get blessings for the coming school year. I am really looking forward to it and I can need any blessings out there.

It will not only be a change for the LittleL, but for me, too. Until summer break, LittleL was a daycare/kindergarten until 4pm. Now, I will have to pick him up at 1.30pm. This usually was the time I had with BigL for lunch, homework, learning and just spend some time together. Or me having a nap. From Thursday on, it will be the three of us. Homework with two kids. Learning with two kids. Not sure about how there will be room for naps. Oh my.

I am looking forward to this new chapter. At the same time, I am wondering how it all will work out.
The school (both schools, actually) are just down the road (with one busy street to cross) and I want LittleL to get confident and safe in traffic, so he can walk to school on his own sometime at the end of the year. It will save time, because I don't have to drive to daycare anymore. It means ten more minutes of sleep. Heaven! (Or a silent cuppa in the wee hours of morning!)

To everybody out there heading a new school year, be blessed. Have fun along the way. Be patient and successful. Work hard and be ambitious. It will be a great year!

All my love, Sanna

Freitag, 17. August 2018

Letter to summer

Dear summer,

thank you so much! For being a real summer this year. For sunshine from May to August. For the warmth (and heat) and the richness of fruit and butterflies. Thank you for being wonderful during summer camp and for lots of BBQs outside. Thank you for many visits to the pool, for water slides and not using the tumble dryer for weeks. Thank you for lots of ice cream and cocktails on ice. Thank you for finishing of bottles of sunscreen and Aloe Vera. Thank you for waterbomb battles and running around without shirt (the kids!). Thank you for heating up the sea, so we could take a dip and play around the waves (we didn't do this for years!)

You were truly amazing. You lifted us up and we had lots of fun with doing all kinds of outdoor activities and hours on the sunbed.

I can hardly remember a year I felt so good to see you go. Just because I feel like we had enough sunshine to carry us around the fall and winter. But now I am looking forward to hoodies and boots and pumpkin spice everything. I am looking forward to crunchy leaves and days in the woods. I am ready.

And I cannot wait to see you again next year. 

All my love, Sanna


Dienstag, 24. Juli 2018

Summer break - Week 2

As we are heading into week 2 of summer break, temperatures are going through the roof and we had to make a little change in plans. We thought that LittleL's last day at daycare/kindergarten would be this coming Friday, but then I saw that nice information at the door, that there are sick kids with hand foot mouth disease. So DH and me decided to keep him home as we don't want that to ruin our summer getaway.

This gives me some time to love bomb my littlest boy a bit. It's just the two of us this week, with DH still at work and BigL gone for summer camp everyday. Today, we spent some hours at the pool and LittleL is so close to swim properly. I am planning on going to the pool everyday for two or three hours to keep us going with that. Also, I got a sunburn. I told BigL a hundred times to use enough sunscreen at summer camp and then I got a sunburn today. Mother of the Year, that's me. (I am slathered in Aloe Vera as I type this.)

So, apart from the pool and hanging around the garden and playing board games and UNO, we are doing nothing special this week. We just try to survive the heat wave (although we are so happy about this real summer this year), eat lots of ice cream and nap during noon.

We will smell like sunscreen (way more for me!!) and sunshine and we will be happy when our neighbours/friends will come home from holiday on Friday. LittleL is so looking forward to see his little girlfriend again. We will celebrate with a BBQ, I'm sure.

Have a great week, everybody! Love, Sanna


Mittwoch, 18. Juli 2018

Summer Break Week 1

And here we are. Summer break is in full swing. BigL is gone for summer camp every day between 9am and 4pm. LittleL is still going to kindergarten this and next week. Today is actually the first day I am home alone and guess what...

... I am bored.

I did two loads of laundry, I cleaned the bathroom and mopped the floors, I shopped school supplies and caught up with Grey's Anatomy Season 11. (Derek is DEAD??) I did some doodling in my bullet journal and out of sheer frustration did the online banking (which I hate).

And now, here I am. What to do?

Blog? Okay, done in ten minutes.
Clean out the kitchen cabinets? No!
Sew myself a summer dress? Might work, but there is not enough time today left.
Clean mirrors and windows? No way.
Clean car inside and out? Again, no.
Meet a friend for coffee? Which friend? They are all working!
Online shopping? Uhm, let me check the bank account ... no.
Chat with the neighbour? I already did that. She is gone now for housework.

Pick up LittleL and have some icecream? Probably!

Have a great day, everybody! Love, Sanna


Sonntag, 24. Juni 2018

How I'll always be

I'm a little more beer bottle beer joint than a fancy bar
I'm a little more sitting up high on the road than a little car
I'm a little more bust ya back than take it for free
And that’s how I'll always be
I'm a little more lose my temper than to sit on back
I'm a little more ol' Hank Williams than that trendy crap
I love a flat wood ol' front porch made of an old oak tree
And that's how I'll always be
I'll always be a fan of ol' stray dogs and guitars playin'
One room churches, back road walks and front porch swingin'
Sunset skies, bonfire nights, I love the simple things
That's how I'll always be
 
(Tim McGraw)
 
I can't stop listening to this song. It's running all the time in my car and it gives me comfort and peace, both at the same time.

Part of it my be, that Tim McGraw is just my all time favorite singer. I love his voice, his music and his deep South lyrics. I have no idea why as I like to call myself pretty progressive, but that feeling of home and tradition and simplicity his songs contain make me feel at ease and comfort me like no other music.

On the other hand, these lyrics let me think that my simple life as a mother, wife, teacher is just right. I do not have to be very beautiful or successful or outstanding in any other way. I am just fine the way I am. I obviously knew this before, but it is good to hear it from time to time, right?

So, this is how I'll always be:

  • Deeply in love with romance novels. I don't care if people think they are mushy or whatever. There are GREAT romance writers out there and I read them all.
  • Proud to be mothering these two boys of mine. They are obliging, polite and honest. And I am more than happy, that DH and me created this - in every way.
  • A sucker for anything pink. ;o)
  • Mad about decorations and craft supplies. Actually, shopping craft supplies and really using them are two different hobbies for me. 
  • Creating things with my own two hands. Sewing, knitting, baking. I love it.
  • In love with our backyard, which was created with love and passion and hard work. I'd always choose a nice summer night in the yard with friends over going out and partying until 3am.
  • Prefering Malibu Sprite over fancy drinks.
  • Wearing lipstick wherever I go.
  • And nailpolish.
 
What about you? Love, Sanna

Samstag, 9. Juni 2018

Let's talk.

It is no fun to check celebrity news these days. Kate Spade was bad enough, but Anthony Bourdain kind of really shocked me. Never in a million years would I've thought that he was struggling from some kind of mental health issues.

Which proves, that mental illness is something you can hide pretty good. It is not about the looks, it is about the inner demons. And that makes it so hard to really grasp what depression, anxiety or PTSD is really about when you are not affected yourself. Mentally healthy people will never understand the agony we are/were going through. And that is a great thing, because I really do not want anybody to experiene what I did.

At the same time, it is what facilitates the stigma. I was lucky to suffer from a postpartum disorder, because it is not as stigmatized. Everybody heard of the baby blues, right. (Although I was dealing with something very different). It is the stigma, that makes people suffer in silence. It is the stigma, that makes sick people even more sick. Mental illness is bad enough, but suicide?? That's a taboo with limitless dimensions.

Suicide. There. I said it. It was something I thought about for 1,5 years. Every single day. On some days, it was all I thought about from dawn til dusk. My mental pain was so overwhelming, that it seemed the only way out. Did I think about my family? Hell, yes, I did. I was convinced they were better without me around. I was a burden. I couldn't lace my kid's shoes, so what was I worth? I wasn't able to take care of the simplest of things, like shopping for groceries, nappy changes or night time duty. I was hardly able to dress myself, so what kind of mother was I? A bad one. Worthless.

NO! I was a sick mother. That's about it. I was so, so sick that it affected my every fibre of being. At first, people were fine with it. Everybody thought that it will go away with a hospital stay. But after 1,5 years and endless hospital stays later, people lost patience. (So did I.) All I had to do was pull myself together (pissing my pants laughing here). Work more on getting healthy (Again, laughing uncontrollably). Be happy, because I had that cute baby (hahahahaha).

That's not how it works, folks. Mental healing takes time. Weeks, months, even years. Stop telling people to pull themselves together. Stop treating mentally ill like they are some kind of freaks. Stop telling them suicide is selfish, because it is far away from that.

Reach out to someone who is suffering. Listen. Again and again and again. Yes, even for years. Support them and help with  everyday chores, insurance issues and keeping life organized. Don't push them to do things they are not comfortable with. Life will be fine again. It will. I promise.

Love, Sanna