For as long as I can remember, I have always been in love. With guys, books, music, movies, whatever. Also, for as long as I can remember, I have a dark side of feelings. Feeling the blues is something that I have in me (I am not talking depression here) from the very beginning.
I know that I feel much deeper than most people. When I watch a romantic movie, I actually feel the butterflies in my stomach when hero and heroine are finally together. When I read a book, I can dive into different worlds and characters and sometimes need hours to come back to reality. Sometimes, a finished book leaves me aching and heartbroken, because I am not ready to let go.
I easily fall in love. I develop deep feelings for characters in books and movies. Fictional characters, that is. That's why I cry through every freaking episode of Grey's Anatomy or Outlander. Sometimes, the crying does not stop for half an hour or so. The TV is switched off, teeth are brushed, makeup off and I am in bed sobbing. It's hard to get rid of these feelings at that moment. Eventually, it happens and it's not that I am in dream world all the time. Sometimes it doesn't happen for months. But then it hits me and I am gone in faraway worlds.
All this is a blessing and a curse. I love it, because it has opened doors to me that others will never experience. I am sorry when people do not find joy in reading, because I know what they are missing. At the same time, I sometimes wish that my way to feel wasn't that intensive. Because the bad feelings are there as well and I fell them deeper, too. That's not really fun.
The first time I read The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton, I was devastated for days. I was in my late teens and it left me heartbroken and sobbing like mad. Still, I love that book. It's a special one.
Why am I writing about this? Actually, I hope to find someone out there who feels the same, because I feel like a freak sometimes. Is there anybody who can relate to all this? How do you handle it? Do you just let it be or do you try to keep it under control? I'd really like to know.