What's in my fridge?

Most of you know that I am back to dieting and I often get asked, what the hell do I eat when on a diet? So I made a list of food that's always in my house to satisfy hunger or my sweet tooth. Here we go:

In the fridge:

• soy yoghurt
• regular Greek 0,2% fat yoghurt
• eggs
• chicken cold cut
• vegan cream 
• low fat milk
• cucumbers
• carrots
• Protein pudding or low sugar/fat pudding
• some kind of salad
• ball peppers
• pickles

In the freezer:

• frozen fruit (usually raspberry)
• salmon
• prawns

In the pantry:

• flour (regular and spelt)
• flavdrops (different tastes)
• wholewheat pasta
• rice
• sugar free cookies
• protein bars
• granola (good quality, not loaded with sugar!)
• potatoes
• baking supplies (vanilla, baking powder...)
• fresh lemon
• apples
• bananas
• grapes
• fruit of the season
• soy sauce
• vinegar (different kinds)
• coke zero
• olive oil and sunflower oil

So, I guess that's the essentials. Most of the fresh and dairy is delivered every Friday from the farm and organic. So, it doesn't really need much shopping for the week. I also try to find a good mixture of vegetarian dinners and dinners with any kind of meat during the week. There is no real secret to a successful weight loss. The key is to just start and not give up. At least for me. But, to be honest, the number on the scale today was shocking, so there is that. This usually happens when I do not drink enough. I try to drink 3 litres of water every day. When I drink less, usually my weight goes up. Fast. So, I will try to get my water fix over the weekend and check weight again on Monday.

Have a great weekend.

Love, Sanna

Ten days to go

Can you believe that spring is only ten days away? I am so looking forward to it. Honestly, there was a slight touch of snow coming down during class today and I really love snow, but it sucks big time in Mid-March. We had enough of it, you know. The dark and grey days. Enough of indoor jump parks and soft play (parents hell). Enough of board games and especially screen time.

We are all longing for sunshine and warmth and the long days spent outside. I really wanna sit on my swing and do nothing. And take a sip of Malibu Sprite from time to time. The ice cubes are ready in the freezer, btw.

So, until spring finally arrives, I will fill the house with tulips and daffodils. We will have some more tea and cookies and afternoons full of books. That's the plan.

Have a nice week, friends.

Love, Sanna

Damn.

I just wrote a very nice blogpost about what's going on and weekend plans and then it didn't publish and it was gone. So, I am leaving you here and now with some fresh spring flowers and wishing you a fab weekend.

Love, Sanna

Eleven weeks

You know what I really miss? That newborn bliss right after LittleL was born. He was the cutest little thing in the world and I was so madly in love with my newborn. In fact, I was madly in love with life with a little baby and a firstgrader. The cuddly and slow mornings with LittleL and then the vivid and exciting time in the afternoon, when BigL came home and proudly showed me what he learned at school. It was one of the happiest times of my life and for the first time ever, I felt like this was exactly where I belonged.

I wish, I could back to that time just for a few minutes. To soak it all in and try to remember every little detail of how wonderful life was. I wish I could go back and smell LittleL's baby hair for another time. Or to see BigL's front toothgap and that radiant smile.

I wish I could go back and do everything to stop depression hitting me hard. I wish I could stop it smacking from behind and taking the happiness and bliss away from all of us. It hit not only me, it also affected my kids and husband. My parents, in-laws and friends. It had such a huge impact in the lives of those I love the most and if I knew it was going to come, I would have been prepared.

I guess, that's just how it works. When life throws a curveball, you do everything ti get through. Most of us will make it out alive and it doesn't mean, it won't be all fine in the end. Life is pretty good these days, but I miss the times, when PPD was not part of my history yet. I don't think about it a lot anymore, but today when driving home from work, it crossed my mind and made me teary eyed. I missed this happy newborn momma. I missed myself. And it sucks to have lost 1,5 years of my life. Big time.

But hey, I am here now. I get all the cuddles and kisses and LittleL is desperately waiting for that toothless smile. So, here's to life. The ups and downs. Make sure, you live it to the fullest.

Love, Sanna

Enough.

Learning is a lifelong process. It starts with rolling over, walking, talking and goes to reading, maths, astrophysics if you're into it.

Stuff I learned the last five years was knitting, making a mean eggnogg cake and maxing out Amazon Prime. Still, I learn every day. Sometimes by accident, sometimes because something really interests me. And sometimes, because I think it is just neccessary.

So, about a week ago, I decided to learn contentment. In various forms.

First of all, I wanna learn to be happy with what I have. I do not need more jeans or jumpers, more earrings, more handbags. I do not need a new car, a big house or a holiday in the Carribean. Do I want all these things? Hell, yes. Do I need them to feel content? Absolutely not. We have a home full of ... stuff. We do not need more to be happy.

I wanna learn to be content with myself. With how good of a mom, wife, friend, teacher...I am. I need to learn to be enough. That's the biggest thing for me, honestly. I know I am good the way I am, still I don't feel like this from time to time. I feel like I could be a better mom or clean my house more often or have better control about spending money. Yes, maybe I could. But it wouldn't make me a better or more loveable person. And, it would definately not make me more happy.

I. AM. ENOUGH.

I have to tell me every day. Again and again and again. To believe it. To naturally feel it.

I might not be a size zero supermodel or a perfect housewife. I might not have a superclean home or very stylish Instagram worthy kitchen. I might not be strict enough concerning screen time and limiting the amount of chocolate my kids eat (especially during Christmas), but still... I am enough.

And so are you!

Have a wonderful Christmas time with family and friends and make sure to tell yourself from time to time that you are an absolute rockstar. Just because you are!

Love, Sanna

Slow down

Last week was full of appointments and stuff and I really felt like we had to slow down before Christmas madness starts. So, we used the weekend for a few errands, bought the tree and apart from that did basically nothing.

Saturday morning, we piled up in the car to do stuff that has to be done. Buy water and juice (still on crutches, so I can only do it with DH driving and carrying), buy the perfect Christmas tree, do some random shopping. In the late afternoon we celebrated BigL's birthday with his friends at the jump park, which was fun for the kids. Not so much for me. It is super boring at the jump park, when you are the only one on crutches.

Sunday started slow with sleeping in and breakfast at 11am. We listened to Christmas music, decorated the tree, had a nice afternoon nap and met at the in-laws for winter bbq. Just perfect.

This week, we do not have any appointments or places to be. None. Apart from the weekly stuff like track and field training and swimming class. It means we can build a gingerbread house, craft, watch Christmas movies and just be hygge. I love this time of year, when the lights sparkle and candles are lit. Our home smells so good like orange and cookies and punsch. And everything is just a bit brighter and cozy.

Make sure to slow down in these days of hurry and thousands of things to organize. It helps a lot to feel the season, to be merry and focus on what Christmas is all about.

Love and hugs, Sanna

About motherhood. And comparison.

Hey moms out there! Yes, you!

How do you feel about mothering? Do you feel full of self-confidence concerning your abilities to raise tiny humans or do you doubt from time to time?

Me, I am of the second category. Sometimes I compare my mothering abilities to other moms and feel like a big fat failure. I wonder how other moms handle tantrums, teenagers and the fight about screen time and treats.

And then I wonder, if I am doing it right. Do my kids get too much screen time? Do we learn enough for school and exams? Should I do more of this or that and do my kids know how much we love them? Do we tell and show them enough?

I really think it is good and healthy to reflect and sometimes look around for inspiration or just to talk about how others handle stuff. The problem is, it often is more than that to me. It makes me feel insecure and less valueable as a mother. Why is that?

I think, this is something that occured post PPD. I had to re-learn how to mother, every little thing was new to me although I already had a seven-year-old. So what PPD left me with was doubt into my own abilities. Big time. It's getting better, but from time to time it gets me. And then I feel sad and I wanna sob a little and after that life goes on and I try to give my best. Every day.

Please feel free to give some input. I know ther are so many moms out there reading my blog. Am I the only one with these weird feelings? Do you compare yourself as a mother or your kids with others? Or not? Help me out here.

Love, Sanna