Today, I failed as a mother. Big time. I yelled. A lot. I was unfair. Again, a lot. There were a lot of different reasons why this happened and still I feel like a big fat failure. Which I was. Today.
The day started with LittleL throwing a tantrum, because he didn't want to have breakfast (I am not hungry, mummy.), but then when breakfast was over, he wanted to have breakfast. Then, on my way to work, my brandnew jeans ripped. And showed my old pink and green underwear. Unfortunately, time was too tight to go back and change pants, so I was the teacher with ripped jeans before school even started, awesome. After lessons, I went to go to the office to get the papers done for my September salary. Nobody's in the office today, don't ask me why. I am off on Fridays and next week the whole office doesn't work because it is moving to a new computer system. So salary won't come before October, 8th. Again, awesome.
Because of all this, I had to pick up LittleL from school on my way home from work. I usually park the car at home and walk the ten minutes to school. Today, I didn't have the time, so I went to school by car. It was chaos. Lots of moms with cars, no parking space. I was late. When we came home BigL complained about lunch being delayed. And then he didn't like lunch. And then he liked it, but in the meantime LittleL and I had eaten it all.
Then we did homework. LittleL thought homework was super boring and he didn't want to do it. It took forever (he usually is done in ten minutes). Then my MIL came over as she does every Thursday. And she usually is a big help, but today I just felt like suggling up on the sofa. The kids fought over every single shit. BigL has a potty mouth and then told me that last year on Christmas all his gifts were "rubbish". I freaked out big time. (He got a MacBook for Christmas) Meanwhile, LittleL asked for screen time for the 100th time. And for a treat, again for the 100th time. BigL watched drum learning lessons on YouTube on our TV (very loud), LittleL asked me strange questions about Star Wars, which I never watched. I told him so, he kept on asking. On top of all this, we had to learn for BigL's math and English tests.
I did not have a minute for myself today, which never is a good thing. I need some time to recharge my batteries, at least thirty minutes a day. To take a power nap, read some pages, whatever I feel like. Some minutes of SILENCE, for God's sake! It keeps me sane in all our chaos of school, work and just everyday life.
Today I missed it and it paid. Yes, the kids did not show their best behaviour. Yes, they were testing and impolite. Still, they do no deserve yelling and telling them to "Just shut up!". It is not fair and I know it. But these days happen. For all of us. It's no fun, it's far away from Instagram perfectness, but it's reality.
All I can do now is kiss my children goodnight. And try to make it better tomorrow. This I will do.
Good night, peeps!